Time flies

#I had been written this for at least an hour... and then i lost it when i was trying to publish it... crap#

I have staied in Sweden for about 2 months, time flies..

I went to Stockholm University to ask if i would be able to study there the day before yesterday and i got a rather positive reply. They only have English courses on Political Science, which is just my favourite. To enter the university, i only need a 550 score TOFEL test,and about 30000kr to PROVE you would be able to live there(you do not need to spend them), no tuition fee.

Seems like it is pretty easy for me to study in Sweden, now i am in a dilemma..

Staying in Sweden means i have to give up my bachlor in Peking university, which is the best university in China. Not that easy.. To be honest, i do not enjoy the life in Beida, though most of the students there had been struggled for all their lives to enter this university, though it is considered to be a holy place in China. Everyone's dream(not really mine). I have tired of frighting with someone openly or secretly, taking the stupid useless English literture courses, orgnizing foreigner attracting activities, being the silly chair of associations...I feel sick when i have to fight with people for living. Being a kid in China, i will never be able to survive.

First i have to admit, maybe Sweden is not as good as i am feeling now.. After all, i have only been staied here for 2 months, not really a long time.I once talked to some Chinese living in Europe, Daniel's Chinese teacher; a girl who married a Finnish guy living in Sweden from my work; a couple staying in Germany who helped me a lot when i was homeless in the chill Berlin..They all eagerly want to go back to China, no exception. Well, i can fully understand, since after all i love Peking, but i do not feeling in the same way.Maybe i am feeling good since me and Daniel, my boyfriend, are having a good time together, and i have some (not much, but some)friends here in Sweden, or maybe Sweden for me, is too diffierent from where i was born and grown up. I do not know how i would feel if i do not have Daniel or them, but i am almost sure that i can always have friends or boyfriends if i REALLY want..Actually the most important thing for me is, staying in Sweden, i would be able to be a kid, keep being naive, have the freedom of my soul, and could survive this brutal world at the same time..

The thing is ,if i study in Sweden, i would be able to farewell to the damn English literture and embrace my political science, and using English at the same time. Actually my english could be better being here than in Beida, and I think i would work hard wherever i am.. so i am almost sure i can learn more in Sweden, the cost is, i will have to lose the fame of being the toppest student in China..

For me, life always give no choice, i mean, not the real sense of having no choice, that is, you always have to do what you are supposed to do, otherwise you would hurt people who love you, being criticized all the time, and facing a really heavy public pressure. i always choose to compromise, something in the middle, this time, i do not know..

so,

Staying in Peking university being the top student and bearing the torture
Or
Staying in Sweden, learning what i like , having a better life, and, being normal..

Which one should i chose? i do not know.. maybe you will say that is depond on what you want, the problem is, i do not really know what i want..i dare not making a decision now since i feel i am still losing my sense, i am just trying to do what my heart is telling me to do.. well, time will tell us

btw, if i have too much feeling about "elite", please forgive me: ) since i am Chinese; )