I dont know
I really dont know why i suddenly came up with the idea of writing this though i ve been thinking about it for a really long time. It is really the worst time to write about it, im not angry, not by any way annoyed, or sad. Just came back from a work party, im extremely tired and happy, and I really like all people, everyone at my work.
Anyway, I shouldnt run away from 'the topic' before I havent even started it heh. Well, I dont know.
I want to talk about friendship.
I've been very confused for the past 2 months. Yes. Heh, you may believe or not, im actually sensitive. Especially when it comes to my relationship with everyone I may, consider as a friend.
I remembered that I talked with B about this. I told him that what I consider friend is, someone you laugh with, you cry with, someone who calls you in the middle of the night and cries without any need of apology, someone you help without the need of 'thank you', someone who tells you your boyfriend is ugly when they honestly think so, someone who criticize you when you are on the top of the world. This is my way of friendship. Well this is.
I have to say that I seldom have problems with my friends. However, recently, (or maybe it is because of my stupidity, I found out just recently), I found out that there may be the existence of another kind of people in the world (wow). The kind who is always modest, polite, nice, who always 'make a point'.
I mean really, it is a new discovery for me. Or maybe just this kind of people I ve actually never befriended with since they dont actually fit me. Or maybe I ve even hurt some of those who may ever considered me as a friend, or whatever, with my 'aggressive' and 'brutally honest' nature.
Heh. I mean, I would never be so critical if I've never considered you as a friend. I would never have told you my sadness and happiness if I've never considered you as a friend. Come on, I always say nice things to people that I don't really know. Why don't you just tell me to shut up if you ever think im too much? Do you have to hide your anger and pretend that nothing never happened for a week, a month, a year or some years? Have you ever thought about people may think differently or I may not even know WHY you are angry? I'm always open for criticisms. I may become sad, but i would always be thankful. I may get hurt, but i promise i will think about it, and if i think you are right, i promise i would make a change. Since I know if im never criticized I will never ever improve. I didnt grow up in a green house, and I dont need gentle careful protection for either myself or my friendships. I know only the friendships which can go through storms are real ones (really, it is what has happened on me. No exception) . I believe criticism make it stronger.Both me and my friendships. I believe people who only have polite gentle 'nice' friends dont even have a friend (i think so, you dont have to agree). Honesty. Do you know how much I would appreciate it if you can be honest with me, especially my mistakes? 'Pretend' and 'diplomatic' dont belong to my friendship dictionary. You may say that it is not really pretending. Dont cheat yourself. It is. It is pretending and lying. Just admit it. The friend I want is the unveiled, real you.
Well still. I dont mean to ignore the existence of the 'other kind' of people. Not again. I admit that it is my fault that I ve never thought about it differently. I thought people (or I mean my dear friends) would be happy for me, not jealous or feel defeated, when they hear what I ve achieved today; I thought people (or I mean my dear friends) mean it when they say nice things to me and give me compliments; I thought people (or I mean my dear friends) would thank me when I give my honest opinions/criticisms since I'm actually the one who really need the courage to say it out. But anyway, SAY IT if you want me to change it. TELL ME if you are the 'other kind' of people and I can of course be nice gentle and always polite with you. I will never even forget to say a single 'please' and 'thank you'. If that's what you want.
Sorry for all the grammar/spelling mistake, it is 4. I'm shit tired. One more thing I want to say. Thank you B, and thank you for being honest and thank you for talking with me about all these. Thank you for considering me as a friend. It is important for me. I mean it. And.. I apologize for being a bitch concerning whatever happened. :)
Anyway, I shouldnt run away from 'the topic' before I havent even started it heh. Well, I dont know.
I want to talk about friendship.
I've been very confused for the past 2 months. Yes. Heh, you may believe or not, im actually sensitive. Especially when it comes to my relationship with everyone I may, consider as a friend.
I remembered that I talked with B about this. I told him that what I consider friend is, someone you laugh with, you cry with, someone who calls you in the middle of the night and cries without any need of apology, someone you help without the need of 'thank you', someone who tells you your boyfriend is ugly when they honestly think so, someone who criticize you when you are on the top of the world. This is my way of friendship. Well this is.
I have to say that I seldom have problems with my friends. However, recently, (or maybe it is because of my stupidity, I found out just recently), I found out that there may be the existence of another kind of people in the world (wow). The kind who is always modest, polite, nice, who always 'make a point'.
I mean really, it is a new discovery for me. Or maybe just this kind of people I ve actually never befriended with since they dont actually fit me. Or maybe I ve even hurt some of those who may ever considered me as a friend, or whatever, with my 'aggressive' and 'brutally honest' nature.
Heh. I mean, I would never be so critical if I've never considered you as a friend. I would never have told you my sadness and happiness if I've never considered you as a friend. Come on, I always say nice things to people that I don't really know. Why don't you just tell me to shut up if you ever think im too much? Do you have to hide your anger and pretend that nothing never happened for a week, a month, a year or some years? Have you ever thought about people may think differently or I may not even know WHY you are angry? I'm always open for criticisms. I may become sad, but i would always be thankful. I may get hurt, but i promise i will think about it, and if i think you are right, i promise i would make a change. Since I know if im never criticized I will never ever improve. I didnt grow up in a green house, and I dont need gentle careful protection for either myself or my friendships. I know only the friendships which can go through storms are real ones (really, it is what has happened on me. No exception) . I believe criticism make it stronger.Both me and my friendships. I believe people who only have polite gentle 'nice' friends dont even have a friend (i think so, you dont have to agree). Honesty. Do you know how much I would appreciate it if you can be honest with me, especially my mistakes? 'Pretend' and 'diplomatic' dont belong to my friendship dictionary. You may say that it is not really pretending. Dont cheat yourself. It is. It is pretending and lying. Just admit it. The friend I want is the unveiled, real you.
Well still. I dont mean to ignore the existence of the 'other kind' of people. Not again. I admit that it is my fault that I ve never thought about it differently. I thought people (or I mean my dear friends) would be happy for me, not jealous or feel defeated, when they hear what I ve achieved today; I thought people (or I mean my dear friends) mean it when they say nice things to me and give me compliments; I thought people (or I mean my dear friends) would thank me when I give my honest opinions/criticisms since I'm actually the one who really need the courage to say it out. But anyway, SAY IT if you want me to change it. TELL ME if you are the 'other kind' of people and I can of course be nice gentle and always polite with you. I will never even forget to say a single 'please' and 'thank you'. If that's what you want.
Sorry for all the grammar/spelling mistake, it is 4. I'm shit tired. One more thing I want to say. Thank you B, and thank you for being honest and thank you for talking with me about all these. Thank you for considering me as a friend. It is important for me. I mean it. And.. I apologize for being a bitch concerning whatever happened. :)
posted by Uma at 4:26 PM
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